A Spider-Man's Got To Know His Limitations

Spider-Man 3 hits the shelves today. The movie that broke box office records on opening day is arriving to DVD with all the fanfare of a wet fart. Sadly, S3 just didn't live up to it's predecessors. Worse yet, it didn't appeal to the kids as much as the others. Granted it would be hard to top the magic of the first two, but part 3 didn't have to go the way it did. It's worst mistake was falling victim to the Batman Sequel Syndrome. Raimi crammed too many characters and too many storylines into one script. It was like he had two more movies to make, but opted instead to roll them into one Godfather sized epic. None of the characters or storylines got the time they needed to gel and the result was a three hour trailer for a couple of cool looking Spider-Man movies. We're left with a lot of faux pathos and very little fun for such a long movie about a man who swings around in red and blue tights. It was an ambitious attempt to craft an epic conclusion, but ultimately it failed.

Two other superhero flicks came out in the shadow of Spidey and worked much better within their respective parameters. Of course I'm talking about Fantastic Four: Rise of The Silver Surfer and Underdog. Here we have a couple of comparatively modest superhero flicks that didn't try to get too big for their britches. FF2 got a lot of fanboy hate, but that's because 30 year olds who still read comic books often forget that sometimes, just sometimes, it's okay to make a silly movie for kids. We get hit with so much sturm und drang in our superheroes these days, we forget how much fun this dopey shit is supposed to be. A movie about a guy who can stretch like a rubber band battling a naked silver man on a surfboard doesn't need tragedy. It doesn't need cynical violence. And it sure as hell doesn't need three hours to tell it's ridiculous story. FF2 delivers a couple of one liners, some cool special effects, and then says goodbye. Just like the comic books of old. Now it's not a perfect film, of course. Doctor Doom was as threatening as your office's Financial Controller and the ending needed a little more dramatic punch. But hey, Flash Gordon wasn't a perfect film either and yet it holds a place in every geeks heart right now. I would bet my 401k that if Flash were released today it would garner a Kardashian buttload of righteous nerd hate.

Underdog aimed for a crowd that had never heard of the cartoon. This is just as well because it bore as much similarity to it's source material as The Lawnmower Man. There's the flying dog with the cape and the midget scientist and at least three different rock/hip-hop remakes of the theme song and that's it. The rest is feel good adventure movie that's 49% Spielberg circa 1982, 49% Superman 1&2, and 2% gastrointestinal jokes. That's pretty much a perfect recipe right there. Add a dash of Jim Belushi and you've got a fun movie about a talking dog who fights crime. I must also add that as a square parent I was happy to see how Underdog resolved a fight with three other dogs. Instead of a having a mindless CGI canine fight our hero talks the bad guys out of their evil allegiance to the villainous mad scientist. Yay pacifism!

It would be great to see more of this silliness injected into other mopey failures. Imagine how much better Daredevil would have been if they hadn't tried to make it so gritty and real. X-men 3 could have been a spectacularly fun 90 minutes if everyone wasn't so goddamn miserable. I realize misery is part of X-Men lore, but when the plot is "Twenty million mutants meet for an ultmate smackdown" it's best to just run with the silliness (especially when you've just brought in a hack director with no understanding of true drama). Of course not every superhero flick needs to jettison the pathos or mature subtext. When that stuff is properly mixed with escapist fantasy you get something excellent like... the first two Spider-Man movies. It's deceptively hard to perfect, however. I guess we can consider it some kind of miracle that Sam was even able to do it twice. Next Summer is bringing more superhero flicks aimed at the coveted surly teenager to thirtysomething demographic. Iron Man looks like a rockin' ball buster of a movie, The Incredible Hulk promises plenty of mindless violence, and The Dark Knight looks like an unofficial sequel to Seven. It's still a glorious time to be a nerd at the multiplex. But I sure hope there are one or two fantasy adventures released without a PG-13 rating. It would be a shame to exclude little kids from the superhero genre.

UPDATE- Obviously the fat cats at Sony Pictures are reading my blog. It's been announced today that a script for the inevitable Spider-Man 4 has just been commissioned. Reportedly they are heeding my criticism and scaling back on the cavalcade of characters we saw in part 3. Read all about it at Chud.com.

Hey, It's Kids With Comics!

My friend Rob is a blogging maniac. Not content to have only a personal blog, he also runs the internet's definitive blog devoted to Aquaman.
Yes.
Aquaman.
When he's not writing about collectible Aquaman drinking cups, he updates a slew of other blogs devoted to every printed comic format known to mankind- digests, magazines, treasury editions.
Rob and I share the same lament about comic books- that they no longer hold a large place in kids culture (these kids today with their video games..grumble kvetch gripe). His latest blog moves away from showcasing comic books and Aquaman figures. Instead it celebrates fandom itself. Hey Kids Comics is a series of remembrances and anecdotes about, that's right, reading comic books. There are stories from pros and fans. And one pulse pounding true tale of suspense and justice from yours truly. Oh, and a lot of old b&w pics of kids dressed like Dennis The Menace reading Captain Marvel books.
Go relive the good old days HERE.

Abbott & Costello Meet Frankenstein = Gateway Drug

The age of the Saturday afternoon Creature Feature is long behind us. Television can no longer be relied upon to bring the classics to a new generation. The responsibility is now ours. We parents must educate* our children and instill a healthy appreciation for the Universal Monsters. But where to begin?
The iconic Dracula? The groundbreaking Bride Of Frankenstein? The Greek tragedy of The Wolf Man? Nay! We must turn to Bud Abbott and Lou Costello to properly indoctrinate our children.
No movie does a better job of introducing young minds to the big three monsters. The primary reason for this is also why the movie works so well at all- the monsters play it completely straight. You've got Dracula, the Wolf Man and Frankenstein's Monster doing precisely what made them famous. Dracula's hypnotizing folks and drinking their blood. The Wolf Man is trying to eat people and his human side is still tortured by his curse. The Monster makes the most of his brief screen time by hurling a chick right through the window. A lessor comedy would make the monsters parodies of themselves. But the script gives Bud and Lou all the funny material as they react to the surrounding action. Costello delivers his "Ch-ch-ch-chic!" line before he runs screaming from the room as Lon Chaney's feral self furiously, and humorlessly, tears apart the room. The monsters remain scary and menacing, but Bud and Lou's patented schtick lightens the mood for the young'uns. It should also be noted that their kind of comic relief wasn't unprecedented. Una O'Connor delivered plenty of slapstick whooping and mugging in Bride Of Frankenstein.

Let's not forget Dracula and the Wolf Man are played by the actors who made them famous. And while Glenn Strange is no Karloff, he was still the next best performer to strap on the big boots. Having them all on board makes this the best kind of starter course. Oh sure, you could try using one of the House Of films as an introduction. After all they boast the same monsters plus a mad scientist and a hunchback. But the truth is, neither House film combines the characters as well. They play out as two separate stories where Dracula (Carradine in a top hat? C'mon!) never interacts with his fellow monsters. ACMF manages to write a better story that mixes all the characters together. It even gives us one of the great battles as Wolf Man tears after Dracula to the bitter end. That shot of Bela turning into a bat before Chaney ruthlessly grabs him and sends them both hurtling to the rocky shoreline is one of my favorite moments of the series.

Finally, what other Universal Monster flick offers such an awesome cartoon segment in it's opening credits? If there's a better opening hook for a movie than animated Abbott and Costello skeletons, I have yet to see it.

*brainwash

A Wild Work of Staggering Genius

There's some more news about Spike Jones' upcoming adaptation of Where The Wild Things Are. The Vulture blog reviewed the script HERE.

An aside-I really don't care about script reviews. In the scheme of internet reporting, script reviews are the most useless articles you can find. A film script is just a piece of the finished product. Lousy scripts can become good movies with the right director and vice versa. This makes reviewing a script asinine since it usually won't speak to the finished product. Plus, most of the dorks reviewing scripts have no idea how to properly read and interpret a script. If they could they would be Hollywood producers and not online critics. Seems to me all a script review does is ruin every major plot point for a film a year before you see it. Why would any movie fan want to do that? It's a sick, sick world out there.

Anyway.

The only reason I'm even posting about this is because of another bit of news from the same blog led me to a greater discovery. Screenwriter Dave Eggers is also rewriting Maurice Sendak's book as a novel. The novel, reportedly targeted toward adults, will be released next fall to coincide with the film's opening. This is the coolest cross platform marketing since Creepshow.

As I've said before, if it were anyone else writing and directing this thing I would be bracing myself for the kind of cynical childrens "entertainment" that usually involves Mike Myers voicing an ogre or dressed as a feline nightmare. And quite frankly, it's not like Sendak's work has translated well into other mediums. His television cartoons are benign at best (Little Bear) and downright annoying at worst( Seven Little Monsters). But if anyone can take the virtually unadaptable Wild Things and turn it into a movie it's the guy who made the book The Orchid Thief a postmodern masterpiece. As for Eggers, he's mastered both ironic deconstruction and heartfelt drama himself, so I can't wait to see what he has in store for us.

American Masters: Charles Schulz

In conjunction with the new biography, Schulz and Peanuts (I just got the book yesterday and it's a massive tome), the PBS series American Masters is airing a profile of Charles Schulz on October 29.
His son, Monte Schulz, isn't too happy with it. Or the book. From the NY Post-

Schulz feels that both the book and the TV show depict his father, who died in 2000 at age 77, as dour and depressed. "I thought it was dreary and depressing," he said of the documentary. "I was not happy with it at all. Our response to the book, and it's the same for the documentary, is like they're kind of missing the point. They didn't really show enough of how fun Dad was."

Maybe he's right or maybe he just found it too depressing because that's his dad they're talking about. Either way, I'm looking forward to this.

Visit the show's site HERE for listings and some nice pics.

As for the book, here's an excerpt from a New York Times article (Click it for the full article. No really, do it. It's a good article that examines an artist's intent versus audience interpretation. It compares Charles Schulz with Balzac. When are you ever going to see those two names in the same sentence again?)-

"It’s not a full portrait,” Jean Schulz, his second wife, told The New York Times last week. Monte Schulz, his son, called it “preposterous.” Mr. Michaelis has defended himself, saying that after years of research and hundreds of interviews with those who knew the cartoonist best, “this was the man I found.”
Such arguments are nothing particularly new in the world of biography. Writers and loved ones often end up staring each other down across a big chasm separating substantially different versions of a subject both claim to know intimately. But in the case of Mr. Schulz, the dispute seems to bring up a more fundamental question, whether almost two centuries after outlaws like Byron and Chateaubriand linked suffering and creativity, a connection that probably would have baffled Shakespeare or Swift, we still have a deep-seated need to believe in the idea of the tortured artist, to think that the only enduring ones are the really unhappy ones, even if we’re talking about syndicated cartoon-strip artists.

I've only read the first eighteen pages of the book and it's already something of a bummer. Well written and fascinating, but a bummer.

Rowling Outs Dumbledore

Oh, and Dumbledore was gay. Which surprises me because I always had Draco pegged as a friend of Dorothy.

I like that Rowling dropped this now instead using it as a promotional tool when Deathly Hallows came out. I'm also impressed that the general reaction so far has been "Oh really? Hm." You would think that putting a gay character in a cherished childrens series would cause more of a reactionary uproar. Glad to see that's not the case.

Yet.

A Few Things My Kids Should Not Be Watching

... but I let them anyway.
I'm always careful about what kind of entertainment I let my kids see. I don't just filter out the big 3 (sex, violence, language), I also try to limit their exposure to mindless crap. And you don't need me to tell you how much mindless crap is out there. Avoiding shitty kids entertainment is like trying to run a minefield in clown shoes.
Still, there are few things I let them see because the "artistic merit" outweighs an occasional ass joke.

HomestarRunner.com

Homestar Runner made a splash with it's famous Trogdor the Burninator clip years ago. Since then the guys behind the site have been chugging away, creating a steady supply of geek culture satire. It's basically clean stuff, but still not exactly appropriate for little kids. It's not even aimed at little kids, really. I mean what kid is going to get a Greatest American Hero reference? But when your characters look like South Park versions of Santo and King Kong Bundy, it's hard not to attract the little buggers.

The Simpsons

The one. The only. The classic. My kids have been watching this for YEARS. The show is so thoroughly satirical, I find myself having to explain just about every joke. And that's good because that's like quality time with my kids, right? And it's educational. Most of what my kids know about humor and dramatic timing they learned from The Simpsons. And really, what better resource is there to teach them about such important things? Years ago I laid down the ground rule to my daughter- "Whatever Homer says or does is WRONG." I figure this helps her approach the show from the right point of view. Let it be known that her favorite character is Lisa. Although I find it troublesome sometimes that she identifies with her so well considering how Lisa regards the rest of the family. True story- My daughter once related to my wife something funny Homer had done. Except instead of saying Homer, she called him Dad. She didn't even realize her slip until we pointed it out. D'oh.

Archie Comics Digests

Completely dated comic books that glorify every chauvinistic attitude from the 50's. The lead character sees women as nothing but sex objects. His best friend is a lazy glutton who's misogynistic behavior barely masks his repressed homosexuality. The two lead girls devote their lives to winning the honor of being the aforementioned lead character's girlfriend. One is a spoiled tramp who enjoys pitting potential suitors against one another, the other has such low self esteem she allows the boy of her dreams to continually mistreat her because she needs his attention. The stories are threadbare and repetitive.

But, hey, the art is great! Here's a slideshow of Archie through the years courtesy of Vanity Fair. Note- The panel in slide 6 is erroneously credited to Dan DeCarlo. The artist is actually Harry Lucey. Duh.

In Search Of... Bill Watterson

Gotta love the internet! No sooner do I (finally) update my blog than someone (Thanks, Shane!) sends me further info. NYMag.com ran piece that basically said "OMG, how did they get Watterson to write an article?!". The Wall Street Journal fills them in on how surprisingly easy it was to get the JD Salinger of the Funny Papers to write about his idol.

Read it HERE.

The article also links to not just one, but two other times in the past ten years that Mr. Watterson has meddled in human affairs. Of particular interest is a recent Q&A he did with readers in 2005 to promote The Complete Calvin & Hobbes.

Excerpt:

Q: What led you to resist merchandising Calvin and Hobbes?
A: For starters, I clearly miscalculated how popular it would be to show Calvin urinating on a Ford logo. . . . Actually, I wasn't against all merchandising when I started the strip, but each product I considered seemed to violate the spirit of the strip, contradict its message, and take me away from the work I loved. If my syndicate had let it go at that, the decision would have taken maybe 30 seconds of my life.

Q: You have been very persistent in not becoming a public figure, and I respect that a great deal. Is there anything you would wish to tell the fans who do not understand your wishes and why it is important to you not to claim the spotlight?
A: My impression is that those who don't get it, don't care to get it.

You can read the whole thing HERE.

Schulz And Peanuts And Bill Watterson

The second greatest comic strip artist of all time writes about the greatest comic strip artist of all time in The Wall Street Journal Online. Calvin & Hobbes creator, Bill Watterson, emerges from his hermit cave to share his thoughts on the new Schulz biography and what Peanuts has meant to him.
You can read it HERE.

CNN.com has an interview with David Michaelis, author of Schulz and Peanuts. Is Harpers Publishing owned by Time Warner? I ask because CNN.com is pimping the shit out of this book. Interview, slide shows, video- the works. For my part I've ordered the tome from Amazon and should recieve it shortly. I'll throw a review up as soon as I can. So Mr. Time Warner, sir, if you're reading, I'd be happy to pimp your books too. Just send me some free advance copies and we're in business. Ciao, baby.
You can read the article HERE.

I also found an article about the rarely discussed Peanuts comic book. I really should track down these issues. They were produced during the strip's early years when the kids had the simplest look. That early style has always been my favorite. There was something both funny and serious about it.

You can read that article HERE.

And since I'm talking about Peanuts and comic books-

Mad Monster Party?

The most amazing thing about Rankin & Bass' cult classic, Mad Monster Party?, is that it ever got a theatrical release. Well, that and the baffling question mark in the title. It was such an odd film to play theaters, especially at a time when Disney was just about the only studio producing animated feature films. It soon made it's way to television where it permanently seared itself into the minds of countless little future nerds. Okay, I'm sure they were nerds then, but I meant they were destined to turn into nerds like you or I. You know, cool nerds. The ones that watch 40 year old stop-motion animation.

While R&B's Christmas specials gets the most play, Monster Party gets all the indie cred. You've got to be a hardcore Universal Monster and/or Mad Magazine fan to really dig on this. Now I'll be the first to say that the appeal is mostly nostalgic. But there are some legitimate artistic qualities to be found here. For one thing, the character designs are still exceptional. Mad cartoonist Paul Coker designed a lot of Rankin & Bass' more popular works. But for the Monster Party it was Jack Davis (also from Mad) who brought a real (dare I say it?) edge to the characters. His sketchy style, not mention his EC comics experience, give the monsters some real grit and personality. I especially like his freaky version of Mr. Hyde. Another part of the charm lies in the animation itself. The very nature of stop-motion animation requires your imagination to fill in each micro-second between frames making the overall effect much more interesting than the smoothest CGI. Those herky jerky movements found in R&B's films have a certain pattern to them that becomes a kind of artistic signature. It's like the similar body movements you see in all of Ray Harryhausen's creatures. This lends personality and charm to the action.

Now, I hate to sound like an old lady, but if I'm watching this with my kids I sit with my finger on the FF button. Another thing that makes Monster Party different from The Year Without A Santa Claus is some of the decidedly blue material courtesy of Harvey Kurtzman. His writing here is mostly in line with his sillier Mad Magazine stories, but every now and then some of his Playboy gag writing sensibilities appear. It's most noticeable in the outrageously buxom Francesca (surely I'm not the only one who thinks she sounds like a dead ringer for Kathleen Turner). She's your average 60's sexpot- beautiful, devious and constantly telling "creeps" like that awesome Peter Lorre butler to get lost. But, in one of the most jaw-droppingly inappropriate scenes ever to appear in children's entertainment, our nebbishy hero gets her in line. I'm talking about the part where she starts getting hysterical and he delivers a bitch-slap to calm her down. Not only does she calm down, but she gets totally turned on by this show of manhood. After a little groan of shock and pleasure she spends the rest of the movie clinging to her man's arm like a timid kitten. Gotta love the 60's.

Anyway, I'm glad to report that this can still wow the kids. Some of my daughter's favorite bits include Hyde's transformation (she would walk around the house mimicking his voice, "Hyyyyde! Hyyyde!") and the skeleton band's groovy Mummy song. Plus she's now something of a Phyllis Diller fan. How many parents can say that?

While trolling the internet for pics, I discovered this led to a spin-off cartoon called (of course) Mad Mad Mad Monsters. I promptly ordered it (ten bucks from Amazon!) and hopefully I'll get it soon enough to write it up before Halloween. Until then, you can read about it HERE.

Visit the nerdy message board HERE.

My Kid Could Paint That

My Kid Could Paint That is a new documentary seeing a limited release today. I hope it makes it's way to Philly because I'd really love to check it out. It concerns a four year old girl who creates abstract paintings that ended up selling for top dollar to art collectors. Originally I thought the film would explore the definition of art and the pretenses of art collecting. But according to a Slate.com article it takes another route. There was a backlash when suspicions arose over how much outside influence the little girl was getting. The filmmakers decided to follow this scandal instead. Apparently it's still a good doc about stage parents and how outside influence can affect the artistic process. The Slate article goes on to explore the idea of what defines an artist as it applies to this case and a funny experiment involving elephants and paints. Click it HERE to read.

Visit the film's site HERE.

Just In Case You Were Wondering...

Yes. The Alvin And The Chipmunks movie will absolutely suck monkey balls.

Now I'm not saying the source material is sacred, classic or even good by any definition. The Chipmunks entire catalog is barely a notch above that "Hello Mudder, Hello Fadder" song. But the trailer and posters for this train wreck seem to indicate that the movie has taken the concept of three guys on helium singing pop songs and made it worse. That's gotta be some kind of scientific breakthrough. And to think Jason Lee is in this. I thought his star was on a steady rise. Maybe he's afraid of becoming another Steve Guttenberg and he's collecting every paycheck he can before his career nosedives. At any rate, I guess his agent was smart enough to take his mug off the latest poster here.

Click it for a larger image if you want.

Image courtesy of I Watch Stuff.

Wallace & Gromit Rise From The Ashes

Two years ago Aardman Animations suffered a devastating fire that wiped out nearly all of their original Wallace & Gromit props, sets, and figures. Finally, there's happier news from across the pond- the BBC reports that the duo are returning in a new half-hour television production, Trouble At' Mill. Nick Park is cowriting the episode with his old collaborator from A Close Shave and The Wrong Trousers, Bob Baker.

Says Park, "I love making films for the cinema but the production of Chicken Run and Curse of the Were-Rabbit were virtually back to back and each film took five years to complete.
It's nice to be out of that feature film pressure now. I don't feel like I'm making a film for a kid in some suburb of America - and being told they're not going to understand a joke, or a northern saying.
I'm making this for myself again and the people who love Wallace and Gromit."

This time around Wallace & Gromit, who now run a bakery out of their home, are involved in a murder mystery. It introduces "bread enthusiast" Piella Bakewell, yet another love interest for Wallace. You know, for a middle aged eccentric who lives with his dog, Wallace is a real player. I wonder if he'll also leave this lady so he can continue his purely platonic adventures with his canine roommate.
It airs in the UK in late 2008, so I guess we won't see a DVD here in the colonies until 2009. Which might as well be forever. Until then I'll be wearing out our Were-Rabbit DVD.

Check out the full article HERE.

Visit the nerdy message board HERE.

Oh no! Wiener Dogs And Ghosts!

A couple of fun Halloweenish picture books for the littlest of your offspring.

The Hallo-Wiener by Dav Pilkey

Artist/Writer Dav Pilkey is best known to kids and nerdlings as the creator of the popular Captain Underpants series. A perusal of his website tells me the guy must spend his entire life chained to the drawing board. He's got a tremendous number of comicbooky novels and picture books under his belt, most of them dealing with monsters and robots and other sci-fi tropes. Hallo-Wiener is the best of his Halloween books. It's the tale of a wiener dog named Oscar (of course) with low self esteem because, well, he's a wiener dog. His own mother makes matters worse by buying him the most unfortunate costume imaginable- a hot dog suit. Of course much teasing and angst follows before our hero proves his worth not only to his fellow canines, but to himself as well. The story is really nothing remarkable, but the art is what sells it. Like all good cartoonists, Pilkey manages to use the fewest lines possible to convey some hilarious expressions and moods.

Check out his website for further silliness. There is a lot of crazy stuff there for kids in the age range of his Captain Underpants audience. I especially dug the Behind The Pages segments wherein he illustrates a book's journey from preliminary sketches to publication. That's just the kind of thing I would have loved as a kid. Check it out HERE.

Oh No! Not Ghosts! by Richard Michelson & Adam McCauley

Not an actual Halloween book, but it's got werewolves and demons as all good childrens books should. It's the tale of a brother trying to help his sister go to sleep quietly by describing how he would scare of any invading monsters. Each solution sounds more terrifying than the initial threat causing more fear and anxiety in his sister. Believe me, it's not nearly as dark as my description sounds. Michelson's story is a lot of fun to read with your 2-4 year old. The art, by Adam McCauley, blends a graphic block printing style with dynamic cartoon layouts. Dig this wicked awesome page-
Both of these books are available from Amazon or BN.com or any of the other usual sites. If you like them I also recommend you get Pilkeys' Dogzilla and Cat Kong books. Adam McCauley's art takes a brighter streamlined turn in the fun picture book Mom And Dad Are Palindromes.

Visit the nerdy message board HERE.

Out Sick

I spent all last week nursing a throbbing, fiery infection in my throat. I'm presently whacked on meds but functioning. I'll be updating the site soon with some DVD and book reviews. I'll also be kicking off my month long Halloween SPOOKtacular (see what I did there?) that celebrates the greatest holiday off them all.
It's a gorgeous Fall day here. Go outside and crunch some leaves. I should have this place updated by the time you get back.